Tus ntxhais yuav tsum hu thawj, nug tus xov tooj, pib flirting, tham nrog ib tug txiv leej tub - sib tham tsis tshiab txhua, thiab kev sib tham ntawm lub ntsiab lus tau mus rau ib lub sij hawm ntev heev, thiab tseem tsis muaj ib qho kev pom ntawm. Nws yuav zoo li hais tias tag nrho cov chaw yuav pib kom muaj kev sib ntseeg hais tias tus hluas nkauj yuav tsum tsis txhob ua thawj kauj ruam ntawm txoj kev sib raug zoo, thiab feem ntau, nws yuav tsum nyob twj ywm ib qho tsis thoob txhua qhov kev sib raug zoo. Tab sis txawm tias yuav muaj cov neeg uas yuav ua txhaum cov cai no, yuav muaj kev sib tham tshiab: lawv tuaj yeem ua txhaum thiab yuav ua li cas.
Koj yuav tsum txiav txim siab rau koj tus kheej tias nws txhais li cas rau koj coj thawj kauj ruam, thiab seb koj xav kom koj xaiv tau coj zoo nyob rau hauv qhov kev npaj ua num. Ib tug nyiam qhia nws, lwm tus yuav tsum tau txais thiab teb cov lus ceeb toom. Tab sis, txawm tias tag nrho cov no, peb txhua tus ua raws li qhov teeb meem no, xaiv ib qho kev xaiv dua, raws li theem ntawm kev sib raug zoo, qhov ntawm ob peb, qhov teeb meem, lub siab thaum lub sij hawm ntawd.
Qee tus ntxhais muaj kev txhawj xeeb txog qhov tsis muaj kev tawm tsam ntawm lawv cov neeg xaiv. Yog hais tias ib ntus tus txiv leej tub nres hu lawv los yog nws pom tias nws tau pib qhia cov cim qhia ntawm ntau ntau zaus, cov lus hais no ua ib qho qhia meej rau kev ntxhov siab. Tus ntxhais pib txhib nws tus kheej tias tus txiv leej tub tau txias rau nws, tias nws tsis tshua xav tau nws tam sim no thiab feem ntau yuav tshwm sim thaum lub sij hawm no (txawm tias yog sai sai) nws muaj kev tswj kom poob rau hauv kev hlub nrog lwm tus ntxhais thiab tsis nco qab qhov qub dhau los. Tej zaum nws tsis yog tus ntxhais txhua, thiab tam sim no nws txawm pib ua rau nws? Thaum tus ntxhais rov qab xav txog cov xwm txheej vim li cas nws tshwm sim, kho cov keeb kwm ntawm kev sib raug zoo thiab ntsia rau lwm txoj hau kev, tus txiv neej tuaj yeem kawm ntawv, hnub yug ntawm nws tus hlub tus viv ncaus, qee qhov teeb meem uas tau tshwm sim nrog nws tus phooj ywg, lossis tos nws tus ntxhais yuav hu. Thiab vim li cas ho tsis, vim tias nws zoo li nws nyiam nws?
Pom zoo, qhov teeb meem tsis yog tshiab thiab nws zoo nkauj zoo nkauj ua dag. Vim li cas ho muaj li no? Vim li cas peb thiaj li tsim txom peb tus kheej nrog rau nqe lus nug: puas yog tus hluas nkauj hu thawj nws tus hluas nraug (kev pab tswv yim ntawm ib tug kws kho kev puas siab puas ntsoog nyob rau hauv qhov teeb meem zoo li peb tsuas yog tsim nyog!)? Thiab yog vim li cas, thaum peb xaiv peb tus kheej lub teb rau lo lus nug no, peb puas yuav ua rau peb poob siab ua rau peb tus kheej tsis paub tseeb, txhawj txog tib qho xwm txheej thiab tseem tsis paub meej txog peb cov kev ua?
Psychologists hais tias yog vim li cas rau peb kev paub nyob rau hauv cov ntaub ntawv ntawm tos rau ib tug hu vim yog qhov tseeb tias peb yog kho tus tus khub mus rau stereotyped qhov ntawm peb xav. Tom qab tag nrho, qhov tseeb hais tias ib tug ntxhais yuav tsum thawj kauj ruam yog tiag tiag ib stereotype. Lawv kuj yog qhov tseeb tias thawj kaujruam yuav tsum tau ua los ntawm ib tug txiv neej, thiab niaj hnub qhia txog kev ceeb toom rau nws tus phoojywg, muab nws khoom plig thiab, tseeg, nco ntsoov tias nws nyiam nws npaum li cas, dhau ib lub sijhawm kom nws tsis muaj laj thawj.
Peb tsis xav tau kev xav tsis zoo, qhov tseeb, lawv nyam nyob rau hauv peb lub hlwb txij thaum yau thaum yau. Peb txhua tus hlob nyob rau hauv lub ntiaj teb los ntawm twb tsim tej yam kev xav tsis zoo, kev cai ntawm ib haiv neeg. Tom qab tag nrho, qhov tseeb hais tias ib tug txiv neej hu koj feem ntau tsis txhais hais tias nws pib tsawg hlub koj, thiab lwm versa - koj puas xav tias kev hlub ntawm ib tug txiv neej nyob ntawm lub consistency ntawm nws hu?
Yog tias qhov no txhais tau ntau heev rau koj thiab koj xav tau koj tus hluas nraug hu koj ua ntej - qhia nws txog nws. Nws yog qhov zoo tshaj plaws los ceeb toom txog koj lub siab xav, los sib tham txog qhov koj xav tau - thiab tom qab ntawd koj yuav tsis txhawj ntxiv lawm.
Tsis tas li ntawd, tej zaum nws tshwm sim rau cov neeg, tsis yog sib hlub, sib pab, siv sij hawm dawb thiab ua ke "sib kho" ib puag ncig kev txhawj xeeb, pib xav txog tias lawv yuav tsum coj li cas, tsim nyog ua, kom muaj kev sib raug zoo, yuav ua li cas kom tus txiv neej hu thawj, yuav ua li cas hint tus txiv leej tub txog lawv lub siab nyiam. Ntawm qhov no nws hloov tawm hais tias cov ntxhais muaj nyob rau hauv vain kev txhawj xeeb, thiab muaj ntau yam kev xav superfluous, uas rau koj txoj kev sawv cev tsuas yog ib qho kev hem thawj.
Qhov tseeb, nws tsis muaj leej twg ua li cas, leej twg yog tus thib ob lossis thib peb, nws ua li cas thiab seb nws sib raug zoo rau qhov kev xav tsis zoo. Yuav ua li cas tsis tseem ceeb uas nws tsis suab - tab sis yog koj tus kheej, tawm txhua yam tsis tseem ceeb xav txog qhov no, vim hais tias yog koj muaj ib tug hluas nraug nws txhais tau hais tias nws twb xaiv koj thiab koj, ntawm chav kawm, yog tus ntxhais zoo tshaj rau nws, txwv tsis pub nws yuav siv sijhawm nrog los ntawm lwm tus neeg.
Muaj ntau ntau yam sib txawv ntawm qhov uas yuam kom peb tsis ua raws li peb ua. Ib tug ntawm lawv yog hais tias ib tug poj niam yuav tsum tsis txhob poob siab, lossi nyiam nws tus khub, vim thaum nws yuav yog thawj tus yam ntxwv rau nws, nws yuav tsis ua kom txaus siab rau nws. Nws tsis zoo li ntawd. Ib lub hom phiaj uas tsis tau tiav yog qhov tsis muaj txiaj ntsim, thiab kev txaus siab hauv nws ntog sai li sai tau rau lub phiaj xwm tam sim ntawd. Cov xeeb ntxwv kuj xav tias peb xav tau peb los ua pov thawj rau lawv txoj kev hlub, yog li ntawd peb tau teb rau lawv cov cim kev ceeb toom thiab cim tau lawv li qhov tsuas yog qhov zoo tshaj plaws ntawm peb cov neeg saib xyuas.
Kev sib raug zoo yog kev xav hauv siab thiab muaj lub siab dawb paug, lub hwj chim ntawm koj txoj kev hlub. Ua siab dawb nrog koj tus khub yog tias koj txhawj xeeb txog ib yam dab tsi, xws li rau ob leeg ntawm koj - qhia nws nrog, nws mam li tsis yog koj li, thiab lwm yam, koj yuav daws tau qhov teeb meem no ua ke, vim tias koj yog ib tug. Xaiv rau koj tus kheej tias yam twg tseem ceeb, thiab ua li cas thiaj ua tau zoo, thiab tsis them nqi dab tsi.
Kev kho rau lwm tus neeg txoj kev ntseeg, koj tsuas yog txo koj lub neej. Nug koj tus kheej, tus ntxhais yuav tsum xub hu nws tus hluas nraug, tawm hauv qhov "yuav tsum" thiab xav: Kuv puas xav hu nws tam sim no? Kuv puas xav tau qhov no? Nws puas nyiam nws tam sim no, thiab nws puas tsim nyog? Lub tswv yim ntawm ib tus kws kho kev puas siab puas ntsws, hauv thawj qhov chaw, yog raws li koj lub siab xav.
Yog tias yog - tsis txhob tsim txom koj tus kheej nrog kev ua xyem ntseeg, vim kev hlub tsis yog ib qho kev ua yeeb yam, thiab tsis yog formula, ua raws li koj pom zoo thiab koj xav li cas.